Posts Tagged ‘communion’

#15: Being family.

***This is the fifteenth of a series of posts based on a book I’m reading for a class called Connections in Religious and Ecological Education entitled Holy Ground: A Gathering of Voices on Caring for Creation. The chapter is “Finding Communion with Creation,” by Anglican Bishop Mark McDonald, whose diocese is Navajoland.

I’m sitting at my desk right now overlooking the parking lot in the back of my apartment.  It’s pretty unattractive.  There’s the carport, piles of leaf bags, a pretty skeezy looking fir tree, the backs of people’s houses.  At first glance, it’s not a gorgeous place to work, to write, to reflect on Creation.  But then, when I still myself, I notice that there is a pine tree peeking around the corner of my window sill, with baby pine cones dripping from the tips of the branches, tiny brown baby pods waiting to be born, swaying in concert in the cold wind that started this morning.  There are the early royal purple pansies I potted Sunday in honor of my move to this new apartment, an offering of hope for an unknown future.  The petals are drooping a bit, rebelling against the necessary move to a new pot.  Alot like myself, actually.  But they’ll perk up, after they feel the opportunity to stretch.  Yes.  To stretch and to explore the new air around themselves.  Bishop McDonald talks about how we are humanized by this world, by living in it, by noticing and caring for it, by situating ourselves squarely within and upon it.   We can not be human outside of Creation.  It is our home, whether we are comfortable here or not, whether we recognize how we fit into it or choose to separate ourselves and categorize ourselves as outside it.  We are brothers to tiny pine cones, we are sisters to tired pansies… we know ourselves as we truly are only when we familiarize ourselves with them.  Familiarize… make-family-of.

Purple pansy

Purple pansy

Most courteously and most tenderly.

I’ve been submersed during the last month or so  in the writings of the 14th century English mystic and anchoress Julian of Norwich as part of a class I’m taking about her life and spirituality.  Every week as part of class, our professor opens a half hour for us to meditate through art on a passage related to our learning.  A few weeks ago, armed with my sketchbook and some borrowed crayons, I showed up to this late evening class feeling raw and open-nerved after a fourteen hour day, an emotionally difficult weekend, and heaviness in my heart.  I rolled my eyes and felt a sinking pit in my stomach when I read the two prompts for meditation: one was about Julian’s vision of the bleeding Christ on the cross and the other was about mothers.  I was unprepared on all levels to think about either my suffering Lord or his relationship to mothering, parenting, provision.  In a word, I was feeling oppositional.

But, I had to choose one, or sit in my uncomfortable chair with my arms crossed for the duration.  So I picked the second one, hoping that some sort of lovely feminist vision would come to me, edging into my consciousness and having nothing at all to do with my recent struggles to understand myself within a larger matrix of the story of my own parents.

So, I read and reread Julian’s gentle words, “The mother can give of her child to suck of her milk, but our precious Mother Jesus can feed us with himself, and does, most courteously and most tenderly…”  I thought about communion, and Jesus feeding us out of his own body.  I thought about the powerful experiences, at some times of total emptiness and at others of absolute peace and assurance, I’ve found eating at that table.  Finding sustenance there, despite my anger or doubt or conviction.  Then I read the rest of the meditation… “With what do you need Christ to feed you right now?”  Oh, no.  I very desperately didn’t want to reflect on that question.   But, actually, I didn’t have to.  I just began to color.  I need to engage some full disclosure here.  I have no artistic ability whatsoever.  None.  I appreciate beautiful things but don’t create them.  Especially with Crayola crayons.  But, keeping those words in my mind, “our precious Mother Jesus… feed you…,” here’s what came out:

Julian, Christ as Mother

I sat and watched myself draw this stunning, living woman, these gorgeous heavy breasts and tummy, this open posture and radiance.  And had no idea what the hell it meant.  But in order to honor Julian, you’ve got to sit with something for a while.  I mean, the woman had a vision of the Christ on the cross and meditated on it for twenty years before she wrote about it again.

My mother is not this image.  I don’t know this mother.  I know I want her to be mine.  What do I need Christ to feed me now?  This image tells me my heart is crying for comfort.  I want warm, luscious fullness.  Plenitude.  Her arms aren’t showing in the picture, but in my mind they’re plump and warm and full, and they’d probably fit right around me while I cry.  She’s peaceful, and that peace simply oozes out into the rest of the picture.  Christ is this woman.  He’s my mother.  I need one, right about now in my life, and this is the one I want.  Open, vulnerable, strong, and comforting.  Available, compassionate, and unafraid.  Thing is, I think I’ve got what I’ve been looking for.  It’s been there, in my heart, all along, just waiting for me to drop my defenses and pick up my yellow crayons.  I hope you find what Christ wants to feed you, too.  Amen.

Anarchist priests and establishment Christians.

During the last few weeks, I’ve been studying the life of Fr. Daniel Berrigan, a Jesuit priest who, somehow, has managed to hold together the in his own life the words “faithful” and “anarchy.”  Throughout the 1960′s, and still today, Father Berrigan has confronted the broken and awful possibilities of world destruction, first as a nonviolent protestor of the Vietnam war and then for all manner of causes related to universal peace, especially regarding nuclear arms.  He has done this through ultraresistance and nonviolent actions, by taking literally Isaiah’s prophesy of turning swords into ploughshares – taking mass arms and reshaping them into tools of peace – by spilling his own blood on weapons and the steps of the Pentagon, and most famously, by participating in the Catonsville 9 action in which he and 8 other faithful Catholics, lay and clergy, burned Selective Service files with homemade napalm.  But for him, poetry, the shaping of words into indictments and love-filled lamentations or hope, has been central to his calling.  In Vietnam, risking his own self to release American flyers in direct opposition to the order of his own superiors in the Church, Berrigan wrote this as he ducked into bunkers as American bombers straifed the area in which he was working:

I picked up the littlest/ a boy, his face/ breaded with rice (his sister calmly feeding him/ as we climbed down)/ In my arms fathered/ in a moment’s grace, the messiah/ of all my tears.  I bore, reborn/ a Hiroshima child from hell.

Aside from the stringent, stark beauty of the words, there is a heaviness of sensation, of presence, something that couldn’t have described in any other way the experience of that moment of huddling behind broken concrete with the whine and thud of bombers going over head, holding a child with the face of the savior.  The words do something no activism could have.  I have a weakness for people who are both poets and activists.  I think Jesus was a poet.  I think, too, of Thomas Merton, Teresa of Avila, Ammon Hennacy, Ani DiFranco, Dr. King, Toni Morrison, Allan Ginsberg… people with a sense of the spirit, a gift for ruthless beauty, and a challenging, hopeful voice ringing into the darkest corridors. The list is endless, certainly.  It seems like people who want to change the world, even in some small way, often wrestle with how to articulate that change, and the pain that comes before and during transformation, in words, symbols, and color.  The chaos of the real, lived, intense, immediate world seems like it can only be organized and captured, a snapshot, in poetry.  Timely, yet simultaneously timeless.  On one hand, this (like all art) creates emotion and connection in a way nothing else does.  Symbol is precious.  I experience the same intense magic (if I dare use that word here) in the offering the bread and cup during communion.  Simple juice, basic grain, but holding universes of meaning, worlds of transformation.  “This is my body… do this in remembrance of me…” These are not only words, but also performative.  They create even as they simply “are.”  Being and doing are simultaneous in them.  And yet, they are specific to an experience, universal but still meaningful to context, time, place, setting, circumstance.

This is what amazes me about people like Father Berrigan.  In a world where we ask all the time, “But what can we do?” he, and others like him, remind us to ask as well, what can we be?  The Catonsville 9 stated that their crime, for which they were imprisoned, was that they burned papers rather than children.  That simple, 15 minute action, during which they spread napalm on draft cards, lit a match, and then joined hands and prayed the Our Father, peacefully submitting themselves to arrest, wasn’t really doing anything.  They didn’t stop anything, start anything, change anything, do anything in the sense that we think of as being “productive.”  But the poetry of their action was a powerful catalyst for other people’s view of the Vietnam war.  They simply were: the Our Father was performed.  Your Kingdom come.  Your will be done.  On earth, as it is in heaven.  These things happened, the Will was done, simply by being stated.  When we say that prayer, when we live in that poetry, the Kingdom is here, despite the fact that it appears not to be the case.  We put hoped-for alongside with already-is.  And so with the 9.  By standing witness and putting things into juxtaposition that would otherwise never have been associated in that way (the definition of metaphor, I imagine, and the central tenet of Jesus’ parabolic teaching), they managed to alter the course of an entire government, one heart and mind at a time.  I know the Catonsville 9, and Daniel Berrigan in particular, are not soley responsible for changing how an entire country feels about a war, but I recognize in them the real power of living and acting poetically.  Perhaps when no one will listen to reason, art (performance, poetry, prayer) is the only weapon for peace that we really have.  To live and witness to truth and whole-ness with a sense of the poetic, the symbolic, the parabolic, perhaps that is what changes history.

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