Posts Tagged ‘Eucharist’

Truth and action.

There was once a young and gifted woman who set herself the almost impossible task of setting up a printing press so that she could translate and distribute the Word of God to the people.  Yet such a job would require a great deal of money, and so, almost as soon as she had conceived the idea, she sold the few items that she possessed and went to live on the streets, begging for the money that she needed.
Raising the necessary funds took many years, for while there were a few who gave generously, most only gave a little, if anything at all. But gradually the money began to accumulate.  However, shortly before the plans for the printing press could be set in motion, a dreadful flood devastated a nearby town, destroying many people’s homes and livelihoods.
Without hesitation the woman used all the money she had gathered to feed the hungry and rebuild lost homes. Once the town began to recover, the woman silently went back to the streets in order to start all over again, collecting the money needed to translate the Word of God.
Many more years passed, with many cold winters that caused great suffering to the woman. Then, shortly before the target amount was reached, disaster struck again.
This time a deadly plague descended like a cloud over the city, stealing the lives of thousands.
By now the woman was herself tired and ill, yet without thought she spent the money she had collected on medicines and care for the sick and orphaned.
Then, once the shadow of the plague lifted, she again went onto the streets, driven by her desire to translate the Word of God.  Finally, shortly before her death, this woman gathered the money needed for the printing press and completed the project she had set herself many years before.
After she had passed away, it was rumored by some that she had actually spent her time making three translations of the Word, the first two being the most splendid of all…
… What language are you translating the Word into?
Our mandate is double-edged: “We should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another.” Does not the whole of the gospel hinge on that one word, “and”? Believe… AND love.
I don’t know about you, but this terrifies me. Not only do I have to do more than think the right things (hard enough) or say the right things (sometimes easier), but I have to live rightly, in truth.
And I don’t even get to decide what that truth is – it’s love. And it’s not up to me what that action is – it’s love. Given freely, radically, generously, as long as there’s need for it… love’s circumstances might be flexible, they are likely surprising, but the mandate itself is not a puzzle.
We can stop asking what the “right” thing to do is… Which cause is the best? Where can I be the most effective? What if our resources run out? What happens when it floods, or the plague comes, Or (have mercy) institutions fail usand we have to start over, from the foundations?
God’s pretty clear on this one. We keep loving. In truth, and action.
We silently went back to the streets in order to start all over again.
You’re not here to be effective or successful.
You,… I,… am here to be faithful to the Word made flesh.
Because what we believe is a fabulous mystery, that we’re commanded to bring about the Kingdom when it’s already here… that we’re to reveal it and that’s all we’re to do.

This goal is already fact, God’s fact, the fact of grace and promise. No gap divides what God says from what God does. God’s Word is God’s action. And it, God, is waiting for us to see him in ourselves, here all along…
Truth and action… called to live in such a way that the Way, Jesus’ way, is read in the very fabric of our relationships to one another, to our fellow human beings, to Creation.
The sacraments, too, as Augustine says, are the “visible word” of God. They are the Word, enacted… and when we receive them, when we claim them, when we are saying we’re ready to welcome Jesus in his many disguises, that our hearts and doors and arms are open, that we’re gonna live out being bread and juice, that we too are the Word enacted, lovingly revealed, truthfully shared with all the world, not just talking about it, not even just theologically reflecting on it, translating it into just more speech, more words… but living it.
Then, then, we’ve finally translated the glorious Word in truth and action.
May it be so for you, and for me, and for all the world. Amen.

Most courteously and most tenderly.

I’ve been submersed during the last month or so  in the writings of the 14th century English mystic and anchoress Julian of Norwich as part of a class I’m taking about her life and spirituality.  Every week as part of class, our professor opens a half hour for us to meditate through art on a passage related to our learning.  A few weeks ago, armed with my sketchbook and some borrowed crayons, I showed up to this late evening class feeling raw and open-nerved after a fourteen hour day, an emotionally difficult weekend, and heaviness in my heart.  I rolled my eyes and felt a sinking pit in my stomach when I read the two prompts for meditation: one was about Julian’s vision of the bleeding Christ on the cross and the other was about mothers.  I was unprepared on all levels to think about either my suffering Lord or his relationship to mothering, parenting, provision.  In a word, I was feeling oppositional.

But, I had to choose one, or sit in my uncomfortable chair with my arms crossed for the duration.  So I picked the second one, hoping that some sort of lovely feminist vision would come to me, edging into my consciousness and having nothing at all to do with my recent struggles to understand myself within a larger matrix of the story of my own parents.

So, I read and reread Julian’s gentle words, “The mother can give of her child to suck of her milk, but our precious Mother Jesus can feed us with himself, and does, most courteously and most tenderly…”  I thought about communion, and Jesus feeding us out of his own body.  I thought about the powerful experiences, at some times of total emptiness and at others of absolute peace and assurance, I’ve found eating at that table.  Finding sustenance there, despite my anger or doubt or conviction.  Then I read the rest of the meditation… “With what do you need Christ to feed you right now?”  Oh, no.  I very desperately didn’t want to reflect on that question.   But, actually, I didn’t have to.  I just began to color.  I need to engage some full disclosure here.  I have no artistic ability whatsoever.  None.  I appreciate beautiful things but don’t create them.  Especially with Crayola crayons.  But, keeping those words in my mind, “our precious Mother Jesus… feed you…,” here’s what came out:

Julian, Christ as Mother

I sat and watched myself draw this stunning, living woman, these gorgeous heavy breasts and tummy, this open posture and radiance.  And had no idea what the hell it meant.  But in order to honor Julian, you’ve got to sit with something for a while.  I mean, the woman had a vision of the Christ on the cross and meditated on it for twenty years before she wrote about it again.

My mother is not this image.  I don’t know this mother.  I know I want her to be mine.  What do I need Christ to feed me now?  This image tells me my heart is crying for comfort.  I want warm, luscious fullness.  Plenitude.  Her arms aren’t showing in the picture, but in my mind they’re plump and warm and full, and they’d probably fit right around me while I cry.  She’s peaceful, and that peace simply oozes out into the rest of the picture.  Christ is this woman.  He’s my mother.  I need one, right about now in my life, and this is the one I want.  Open, vulnerable, strong, and comforting.  Available, compassionate, and unafraid.  Thing is, I think I’ve got what I’ve been looking for.  It’s been there, in my heart, all along, just waiting for me to drop my defenses and pick up my yellow crayons.  I hope you find what Christ wants to feed you, too.  Amen.

Anarchist priests and establishment Christians.

During the last few weeks, I’ve been studying the life of Fr. Daniel Berrigan, a Jesuit priest who, somehow, has managed to hold together the in his own life the words “faithful” and “anarchy.”  Throughout the 1960′s, and still today, Father Berrigan has confronted the broken and awful possibilities of world destruction, first as a nonviolent protestor of the Vietnam war and then for all manner of causes related to universal peace, especially regarding nuclear arms.  He has done this through ultraresistance and nonviolent actions, by taking literally Isaiah’s prophesy of turning swords into ploughshares – taking mass arms and reshaping them into tools of peace – by spilling his own blood on weapons and the steps of the Pentagon, and most famously, by participating in the Catonsville 9 action in which he and 8 other faithful Catholics, lay and clergy, burned Selective Service files with homemade napalm.  But for him, poetry, the shaping of words into indictments and love-filled lamentations or hope, has been central to his calling.  In Vietnam, risking his own self to release American flyers in direct opposition to the order of his own superiors in the Church, Berrigan wrote this as he ducked into bunkers as American bombers straifed the area in which he was working:

I picked up the littlest/ a boy, his face/ breaded with rice (his sister calmly feeding him/ as we climbed down)/ In my arms fathered/ in a moment’s grace, the messiah/ of all my tears.  I bore, reborn/ a Hiroshima child from hell.

Aside from the stringent, stark beauty of the words, there is a heaviness of sensation, of presence, something that couldn’t have described in any other way the experience of that moment of huddling behind broken concrete with the whine and thud of bombers going over head, holding a child with the face of the savior.  The words do something no activism could have.  I have a weakness for people who are both poets and activists.  I think Jesus was a poet.  I think, too, of Thomas Merton, Teresa of Avila, Ammon Hennacy, Ani DiFranco, Dr. King, Toni Morrison, Allan Ginsberg… people with a sense of the spirit, a gift for ruthless beauty, and a challenging, hopeful voice ringing into the darkest corridors. The list is endless, certainly.  It seems like people who want to change the world, even in some small way, often wrestle with how to articulate that change, and the pain that comes before and during transformation, in words, symbols, and color.  The chaos of the real, lived, intense, immediate world seems like it can only be organized and captured, a snapshot, in poetry.  Timely, yet simultaneously timeless.  On one hand, this (like all art) creates emotion and connection in a way nothing else does.  Symbol is precious.  I experience the same intense magic (if I dare use that word here) in the offering the bread and cup during communion.  Simple juice, basic grain, but holding universes of meaning, worlds of transformation.  “This is my body… do this in remembrance of me…” These are not only words, but also performative.  They create even as they simply “are.”  Being and doing are simultaneous in them.  And yet, they are specific to an experience, universal but still meaningful to context, time, place, setting, circumstance.

This is what amazes me about people like Father Berrigan.  In a world where we ask all the time, “But what can we do?” he, and others like him, remind us to ask as well, what can we be?  The Catonsville 9 stated that their crime, for which they were imprisoned, was that they burned papers rather than children.  That simple, 15 minute action, during which they spread napalm on draft cards, lit a match, and then joined hands and prayed the Our Father, peacefully submitting themselves to arrest, wasn’t really doing anything.  They didn’t stop anything, start anything, change anything, do anything in the sense that we think of as being “productive.”  But the poetry of their action was a powerful catalyst for other people’s view of the Vietnam war.  They simply were: the Our Father was performed.  Your Kingdom come.  Your will be done.  On earth, as it is in heaven.  These things happened, the Will was done, simply by being stated.  When we say that prayer, when we live in that poetry, the Kingdom is here, despite the fact that it appears not to be the case.  We put hoped-for alongside with already-is.  And so with the 9.  By standing witness and putting things into juxtaposition that would otherwise never have been associated in that way (the definition of metaphor, I imagine, and the central tenet of Jesus’ parabolic teaching), they managed to alter the course of an entire government, one heart and mind at a time.  I know the Catonsville 9, and Daniel Berrigan in particular, are not soley responsible for changing how an entire country feels about a war, but I recognize in them the real power of living and acting poetically.  Perhaps when no one will listen to reason, art (performance, poetry, prayer) is the only weapon for peace that we really have.  To live and witness to truth and whole-ness with a sense of the poetic, the symbolic, the parabolic, perhaps that is what changes history.

Sins of the father.

All day, I’ve been dreading writing – perhaps it was the neon red “priority” highlight on this item of my to-do list, or the fact that I’ve already spent more than 8 hours on the computer today.  Maybe it’s the fact that the weather was gorgeous and my heart felt a bit raw from too much reflection and busy-life-stuff.  Maybe it was chapel Thursday.  I think that was probably it.  A few friends and I hosted the last worship service of the week at school on Thursday.  The service we offered was based on one designed by Peter Rollins, an emergent church theologian at Ikon Community in Belfast, Ireland.  It was titled, “Sins of the Father,” and offered worshipers the opportunity to, simply, be angry with God.  It asked these questions: Is our faith radical enough, is it passionate enough, to embrace and acknowledge our anger at God? Must our relationship with God always be friendly and comforting or can we dare to confront, demand  and shake our fists at God? Could, perhaps, a violent reaction against God signal a close and authentic experience of God’s presence?  I won’t bore you with details, but it was stunningly beautiful to see how visual media, old-church ritual (most of it turned on its head), and music could come together to create a space where it was not only safe to be horrified at God, to expose our deep wounds that find their source in our inability to understand how God can be good and also allow, well, what is allowed… but expected to do so. 

The centerpiece of the service was the opportunity for each person present to write on a slip of paper (or 2, or 5) the ways in which God had offended against them, the ways they were shaking their fist in God’s face.  I could sum them up as saying, “HOW COULD YOU?”  Each paper, unless marked with an X, was read anonymously but out loud and then burnt, offered like a sacrifice in the Temple, the smoke curling up toward the chapel ceiling.  As I faced my peers, professors, and friends, reading their pain outloud, there settled over my shoulders a deep sense of quietude and holiness.  The pile was large. I found myself slowing down after about a dozen slips because my heart simply didn’t want to read the next complaint, knowing that there would be no sweetness, nothing to break the monotony of brokenness, fear, and anxiety.  But as I read things like, “my mom’s health,” “AIDS, world war, destruction, global warming,” “child abuse,” “debt,” and “your silence is deafening,” held them to that candle flame and watched them burn down to my finger tips, it was obvious that this was the most priestly act I had ever done.  I am a lover of the Eucharist.  The open table, the banquet of the Kingdom open and ready for any to share, is a central feature of my understanding of God and God’s reality.  There is a bounteous generosity, a provision of abundance, openness, and inclusion that cannot be diminished by any human act.  The bread and cup are evidence of the brokenness of the world, but also of its hope for reconciliation.  But that smoke, those terrible words on those tiny, fragile slips of paper… they were a Eucharist, too.  So, as I continue to think about this experience, the holiness of it, the weight of it, I know that God can carry its heaviness, but I wonder if we can continue to sit in the discomfort and tension of the question… Can we stay in love with God and feel this devastation? 

The final word offered during the service was not a neat answer, but I think it is one of comfort.  “For now, all we can comfort ourselves with is the possibility that the God we accuse is a God our our own creation… our own creation which subsequently makes demands on us.”  This is not to imply that the service ends with the sense that God does not exist, but rather, the God we with whom we are angry is not really God.  The God of Creation, not of our creation, is far more mysterious, complex, wonderful, and (likely) more difficult.  In some way, this scares me.  In another, it absolutely must be true in order for me to be faithful, since I confess that the God with whom I am angry is one who is not worthy even to hear my lamentation.  And so I will hope, and I will pray for each one of the angry, sad, and broken accusations offered on Thursday.  I will pray that God will hear them and will do something magnificently generous to heal them.

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